Allan has always tried to do the sensible thing. So when his sister Elsie became pregnant eight years ago and then ditched by her boyfriend, he stepped up to the plate. Since then, he's been his sister's support system and father figure to his niece.
Allan's world is turned upside down when Elsie becomes engaged, and he meets her fiancé's older brother, Davinder -- a beautiful, brooding artist with a thousand secrets breathing in his eyes. But Davinder is a married man and father of two young boys.
From the moment they meet, and for over four decades, Allan and Davinder will walk along the edge of their secret lives, never allowed to push open the gates. And though their love is a head-on collision, a meeting of the minds, a fusing of two lost souls, both men know that it is also, and above all ... impossible.
What was I going to say to him anyway?
I wiped my hands on my pants and walked in. "Hi."
Davinder had his back to me, but at the sound of my voice, he turned around. His face was pale. "Everything okay?"
He was asking me if things were okay? I made sure to keep a safe distance from him. I couldn't trust myself anymore. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Is Eileen outside?" He wouldn't look at me. He leaned up against the sink, closing himself off again. His white shirt was open at the collar. I could see the beginning of his chest and his skin made me weak.
"She's still in the bedroom," I heard myself say. "Hey ... it'll be okay." I took a step to him. And then another. "Everything will be all right," I whispered again.
Davinder hid his face in his hands. "What am I doing?"
I couldn't have stopped myself if I'd tried. I pulled his hands off his face and made him look at me. "It's okay. It's all right."
For a moment, he just looked at me, and I came in a little closer still. "Allan," he said, "don't. Please, don't."
I moved back, my face hardening a little. "Okay, fine," I said.
"It'll fuck us up, Allan. It'll make us both crazy."
"Fine," I said again, my voice icier than I'd wanted it to be. I was hurt. Bruised. "I'm gonna go back outside."
"Allan, come on, don't be like that. I'm sorry."
At the door, I turned around. "Yeah, so am I." I was being hard on him. I could see it in his face. "It's too bad."
"You should know better, Allan. You really should."
Yes, I should have, but I'd never craved a kiss the way I did his.
"You're right," I said with false bravado. "Let's forget this moment ever happened."
"Yeah?" He raised his chin, his eyes blazing. "Okay then. Let's do that."
"Fine." But I didn't move. Couldn't.
"Good," he whispered, taking a step to me. "Perfect."
We now stood eye to eye, every breath burning our faces.
"Oh, fuck it," he groaned, pressing his hot mouth to my lips.
I pulled on his shirt, drawing him closer to me, digging my fingers in his hair. His kiss was hard, urgent, and I gripped his neck, banging the back of my head against the door, crushing my body to his. I ran my hands along his lean thighs and hard ass, our kiss becoming more and more passionate, almost violent. We were losing control. We were going to do something stupid. Something reckless. "Davinder," I said, "slow down." I pushed on him gently, my hands shaking with desire.
With his eyes closed, he pressed his palms against the door behind me, leaning over me, as if trying to keep from passing out. "Gimme a second," he said. He caught his breath and slowly moved back. "I'm sorry." His eyes were lit with lust. "I don't know what got into me."
"You're an amazing kisser." I ran my tongue over my lips, reaching for him again.
But he shook his head. "Allan, oh please, stop. I can't. I really can't." He stared at me with pleading eyes. "You're beautiful ... You're ... Look, this can't happen again. Please, okay?"
Didn't he know? At that instant, I'd have agreed to anything.
Anything.
"Davinder, please don't freak out." I fixed his shirt.
"No, Allan, I mean it." The look on his face shut me up.
I smiled a little, trying to make light of this, but inside, all my walls were tumbling down.
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