Chris thought he was done with his gaming days. He'd deleted his account, gone back to his day job, and put his fantasy world days behind him ... but couldn't resist the urge to return. This time, however, he decided to play as a woman -- a persona he maintains even when he makes friends with Jessica.
When Jessica offers online sex, Chris still cannot bring himself to confess his secret. As their relationship turns serious, still he cannot admit to the ruse. Then Jessica proposes they meet offline, and Chris is finally forced to confront the questions and choices he's been avoiding ...
Chris made the avatar three weeks ago.
He had promised himself he would never let his World of Warcraft habit get this far. He could play, but he would never turn into one of those stereotypes of the thirty-five year old man sitting alone in sweatpants and not going to work. When Chris feared he was heading towards that direction, he always deleted the game and gave away all his assets, with a new set of promises on his lips. He was a grown man, after all. Wasn’t this a bit too much of a ridiculous fantasy?
But he had come back again, just like he always did. Chris had a full time job as an insurance broker. He wore fancy suits to the office every day. He was a well-adjusted man, living a successful life. So why not play a little game every now and again?
“There is nothing wrong with this,” he told himself aloud as he logged into a new account and fumbled with his credit card. “This is perfectly normal.”
As the opening music sounded, Chris soon realized it wasn’t the game that he craved. It was the way he could play the game -- but had avoided up until that moment. This time, when he went to make his avatar, he moved his mouse over towards the blood elves and picked the female body.
The process of building his blood elf got his blood pumping faster than any job interview or first date. He stared at the female avatar and began to tweak her features. He gave her sandy colored hair, just like his. But that’s where the resemblances stopped. She wore a red outfit that curved to the confines of her body with gold trim around the edges; he also added a gold arm band for the hell of it. When he was done, a strange sense of pride beamed inside of him, though it wasn’t exactly like Frankenstein creating the monster, thinking he had made human life. Chris’s avatar was a special part of him that he told no one about. This blood elf with sandy colored hair was Chris if he was really allowed to flourish without judgement.
When the naming screen came up, Chris paused. If there was anything that made Chris close to feeling what his coworker called existential angst, it was this section. Choosing a name always got under his skin, made the whole process seem too real which only made him nervous. The cursor blinked, waiting for him. Finally, he gave up.
Cyndi Topper, he typed as he shook his head. He knew it was ridiculous, but he just wanted to start the game again.
The screen accepted the name choice and the playing field opened up. The hum of music and the game sprang to life again. Chris rubbed his hands together eagerly as his blood elf, his mirrored double, took a step forward.
This new game, he assured himself, would be different.
