FOR THINGS SO ... pronounced, women’s breasts and nipples rarely get any serious attention. Oh, sure, lots of people make a big deal out of them – straight men, mostly – but when face to tit they usually just stare and drool like Homer Simpson facing a glazed doughnut. It’s seemingly beyond them that there might be something they actually could do with breasts or nipples.
While men certainly do have them – showing either evolution’s sloppy work or a very twisted sense of humour – and many guys’ are remarkably sensitive, women’s tits and nipples are usually much more active as erogenous zones. In my opinion, another excellent case for the natural superiority of the female sex (or the universe’s humour again): not only do theirs work, but they’re fun, too!
Even those who are open and enthusiastic about tits and nipples are still often at a loss at what to do with them. To be fair, however, more than any other part of a woman’s body, breasts and nipples seem to be a particularly sensitive – though not just in a sexual way. After all, breasts are the number one target of all kinds of augmentations and enhancements, and the fact that they usually stay only secondary sexually characteristics seems only to rub more salt in the wound. Some women see their breasts as nothing but a lure, a fashion accessory, than any serious part of their sexuality – it’s no wonder they might throw some cool water on any attention an admirer might show to them.
But I contend that nipples and breasts are only secondary if we let them become secondary. The first thing to realise is that not all nipples are created equal. Issues aside, some women’s nipples simply aren’t that sensitive or arousing – while others are on the WOW! end. In an extreme but poignant example, I saw a couple of lady friends get their nipples pierced: one had a shattering orgasm, while the other simply gave that response guys all dread hearing: ‘Is it in yet?’ In terms of nipple sensual ability, some women got it, and others just don’t.
Even those that have low sensitivity can have a good time, however. The trick is to do with nipples what should be done with anything else in sexuality: communicate. A lot of time can be wasted between play partners if the one with the arousable nipples doesn’t articulate what it takes to play with them successfully. All it usually takes is a simple bit of guidance: ‘Harder, lighter, no teeth, more teeth, etc.’ If words are too literal, some carefully articulated moans and groans can also do the trick – especially if the nippler is giving the nipplee a bit too much.
Once you get a good range of what’s too hard, and what’s not hard enough, the next step is the best part – the play! Nature has not only given us tits, but also the perfect toys to use on them. While I think some of the more handy gizmos on the market can be a lot of fun, nothing beats using lips, tongue, fingers, hands and sometimes even teeth. Besides, a gizmo can’t give the control and deftness a human hand or mouth can.
Once you’ve got the basic ground rules down – communication lines open – a simple moment of admiration and lust is almost always in order. OK, I have sexual orientation on my side, but breasts and nipples are simply lovely. There’s something about them that just rocks the human sexual boat – well, the ones that like women, at any rate. Take a moment to touch them – smooth, heavy, light, full, slim, get to know your partner’s body. Don’t just grab them right off and start kneading them like you’re going to spread them on a cookie sheet. Be gentle: just trace their shape, explore them. Then you can start – slowly at first – to use your hands to explore their essence. Some breasts are firm and solid, almost like muscle. Others are like satin pillows, and still others like duvets. Communication, again: some women like their breasts pretty firmly manhandled (not to be sexist) while others like theirs to be gently caressed.
I’m of the camp that sex is too often genitally focused – that we rush into the usual clit, cock, asshole, orgasm without really spending time anywhere else. Breasts are a prime example. Breast play can sometimes be much more than a way of getting someone’s knickers off. A good percentage of women, for instance, report that they can orgasm simply through breast or nipple play, and others say that having their nipples stimulated can really enhance their later genital orgasms. So don’t go leaping for the crotch when a lot of fun can be found just a bit higher up.
Now what would breasts be without nipples? Fun, certainly, but nipples can be wonderfully focused in regards to pleasure. As stated, though, nipples run the gamut from ‘Is it in yet?’ to WOW. As such, it’s important to take it a bit easy with nipples, and to keep those lines of communication open. Fingers are wonderful for nipples – though I try and encourage people not to allow the natural strength of the hands to get the better of them. Take it easy at first: gentle rolling, slight pulling, a rub of the thumb across the tip, or a caress around the areola. If the breasts are big enough, lift them gently to better see (and feel) what you’re doing. If they are slimmer, then try gently kneading the soft tissues with the other hand.
After hands, the mouth is perhaps the best sex toy for tits. My advice is never to leap with the teeth: unlike the lips or the tongue, it’s very difficult to know exactly how much pressure is being applied. A friendly nip, or even a caress with the pearlies can feel like a bear trap if you’re not careful. I’m also an advocate of the dry kiss for nipples – a little moisture is OK, but you don’t want to drool on the girl. Careful pressure with the lips, a touch of gentle suction (you’re not trying to pull change out of a turnstile, remember), and a few flickers of a dryish tongue can work wonders. If the nipplee likes rougher tit sex, you can always magnify any of these factors – though reserve firm teeth for someone who definitely likes biting.
Before the organic, there are a wide variety of mechanical devices for nipple play. The classic is the nipple clamp, which can be a lot of fun for even those of a non-S/M bent. I can’t emphasise enough, however, to be sure to get a pair that isn’t too hard. A simple test in the shop or between the webbing of the thumb and index finger should be enough to see how much it grips. I also advise anything adjustable – that way if the toy is too hard or too soft you don’t have to invest in another pair. One quick piece of advice regarding any kind of tit clamp: do not just attach it in one quick pinch – rather place it on the nipple and then slowly, slowly, slowly release it; that way you can stop at any point rather than inflicting the full power of the clamp at once.
I could go on with more elegant (or brutal, depending on your frame of reference) devices and techniques – clothespins, pinching, flicking, etc – but the basics stay the same: breasts and nipples are often woefully ignored in sensual, sexual play. It’s time they were taken out, played with and respected. After all, they’re out there – we might as well do something fun with them!