I am unlike the White Queens that have come before me—there’s something wrong with me. Born to reign over the Northern Continent from the Crystal Throne, I’m supposed to be the Bastion of Light, Scion of Purity, and the Heart of Goodness… I was born to be the moral compass for my people, but I fear that I’m not. I fear that I can’t be, no matter how hard I try, because deep down inside me exists a truth that I’m afraid to admit.

I fear that even giving it credence will only cause it to take root, and grow like a weed—wild, rampant, and unchecked—to choke the sacred garden of my soul and poison my heart. But the seed is already there. I feel it like a fleck of Darkness, just waiting patiently for its time to bloom and reveal me for the traitor I am. And more than that … I’m afraid that I want to find out, and be found out.

Today is the Day of Love, a day where we all celebrate the driving force that keeps us together, like a celestial glue that anchors our hearts to one another, as friends, family, and lovers. From the lowliest servant to the crown that sits atop my head, we all take this day to thank the Goddess for this gift. Love is what keeps us going. It’s what keeps us fighting each and every day. It’s what separates us from the Southern Continent and its bleak and Eternal Darkness.

The River of Souls divides us physically, acting as a barrier. When we die our souls will join the river, and wrest against the poisoned souls from the South for all eternity to keep the North safe, prosperous, and peaceful. Our deaths, therefore, are as meaningful as our lives. For in death, we protect all that we love. We keep the sacred balance so that all those who come after us may enjoy what we have.

On the Day of Love the people of the North bring tributes to the North bank, to honor all those who have passed, and to thank them for their undying service to those of us who live on. Some travel for weeks from all corners of the North to be here on this day. And I too must participate in the observance.

Each year a royal procession leaves the White Castle and the White Queen has the sacred duty of commencing observance. I will lead my people in song and prayer, so that the souls who ensure our safety know they are not forgotten, nor unappreciated.

The Day of Love also serves as a reminder to us all, that the Goddess sacrificed a part of her Light the day the barrier was created. That Light now lives on in me. I am the living embodiment of the Goddess here on the Continent. Within me resides the truth of her existence, and the people’s final hope. She is our mercy against the Dark.

If there ever comes a day the River of Souls should break, and the souls of Darkness spill into the North like a plague, only the White Queen’s sacrifice can cleanse the land and save her people. It’s why the White Queens are always armed. Despite our purity and peaceful ways, it is our duty to protect. And like a key in a lock, only by the queen’s own hand can the sacrifice be made. My life for the many—that is the burden I carry. And some days it feels heavier than others. Today is one of those days. Today, I feel its crushing weight, and yearn to be free of it.

It’s selfish and immature, and beyond preposterous, but I feel it all the same. I may wear a crown, I may have been raised and educated a princess, and crowned a queen, but I’m still just one soul—and a lonely soul at that. I have come of age, and soon I must take a husband so that I can ensure the Passing of the Light. But my heart stubbornly shirks the responsibility thrust upon it. It wants to be wild and free, like a bird on the wing. It wants to fly and explore, and experience more than what duty has so rigidly planned for it.

They say duty is the death of love, and that love is the death of duty. But I dance the fine line in-between these two truths. I must follow duty for love—for the love of my people. The price of this duty is the death of love. My love, or at least any opportunity for it. I will marry, carry a child, and pass on the Light as is my sworn duty. And in that commitment I will have a tame love, safety, and my fair share of contentment … but what my heart truly desires is unthinkable. It craves adventure, danger, and an epic love that sweeps me off my feet.

I want to feel just once like nothing in the world matters but a single breathless moment. I want to feel such passion that for just a heartbeat in time I’d be willing to see the Continent burn … just to stay right there. To make that perfect, ravenous, and all-consuming fire last a little longer—even if it’s wrong in every sense of the word—before it must be quenched and dashed. Just like my dreams.

Is that so wrong? I wonder, as my maids dress me in the last of my crystalline regalia. Fire can’t always be contained. Sometimes it longs to be wild and swallows everything in its path. And you can’t blame the fire, for that is its very nature—and new life springs forth from the destruction it wreaks. So, is it truly wrong for my heart to want for more? To lust after something so intangible as a passion the likes of which no White Queen has ever felt?

With a sigh, I adjust my crown. Time to go. Starting the long descent from my tower chambers, I can’t help but be acutely aware of the way my heart skips and flutters with a strange, and new nervous energy.