STORY EXCERPT

Lyn

"It's not you. It's me."

I might have believed that if I hadn't been told the very same thing a hundred million times during my dating life. Well, maybe not that many times, but basically, every adult relationship I had ever had all ended with those fateful words.

I don't even know why I even bothered dating anymore. It was obvious that things like relationships, monogamy, and commitment weren't meant to be part of my vocabulary. Dreaming about them didn't make them happen. I was positive of that. I'd been dreaming for a very long time.

I clutched my cat Meep to my chest and watched my boyfriend—ex boyfriend—Jordan Kershaw pack up what little items he'd brought to my apartment over the six months we'd been dating. There wasn't anything to say when the man walked out the door, not that I would have said anything even if there was. I knew better than to hold on to someone who wanted to be let go.

I wasn't one of those people.

Sorta.

Jordan paused at the door and looked back at me. "You're a great guy, Lyn. I just...I'm not ready to settle down right now and you are."

Jordan was right. I did want to settle down. I wanted to come home to the same man every night, sleep by his side, and know I was going to grow old with him. One-night stands made me shudder.

One of my best friends, Lany Delvecchio, was married to my SWAT commander. I had never seen two people more in love. They lived and breathed for each other. It sometimes felt as if Lany couldn't live without Sal and Sal couldn't live without Lany.

That's what I wanted. I didn't think that was a bad thing until now. Now, I wondered if it was a fantasy that I would ever realize. Maybe it only happened once a millennia or something and Lany and Sal had been the lucky ones this time around.

It certainly wasn't me.

For awhile there, I had thought maybe I could have something special with the second-in-command of the SWAT unit I served on, Sergeant Victor Clarke. For a couple of years we'd played a cat and mouse game until I finally understood that Clarke didn't do relationships. He was a one-night stand kind of guy.

Sadly, he didn't even want that from me, and I was positive of that because I had offered more than once. Hell, I practically put myself on a silver platter. It did me no good. Clarke had said something about not messing up the delicate balance at work and made sure we were never alone together except for work.

Whatever.

I sighed as I watched the door close behind Jordan, knowing I would never see the man again. Sadly, the thought of never seeing him again wasn't as bad as the tight knot in my gut that came from knowing I was going to be alone again.

I hated being alone.

Maybe it was a good thing I had never taken Jordan to meet my friends. There had been plenty of invitations, but I had always put them off, saying maybe next time. Next time never came. Had I somehow known we weren't going to work out?

Maybe I was psychic.

Or just stupid.

Maybe both.

I sighed as I walked over to curl up in the chair by the window. Jordan had packed everything he'd ever brought to my apartment and walked out. In under ten minutes, it was as if the man had never even been there.

I wasn't heartbroken, but I was close. And strangely enough, it had nothing to do with Jordan leaving me or even being dumped. I was just so tired of trying to find someone to call my own, especially considering I didn't think that mysterious person existed.

My mind instantly went to Clarke.

My heart started to ache all over again and tears sprouted in my eyes. I angrily wiped them away. Dreaming of Clarke was getting me nowhere except neck deep in more heartache. The man had made his choice about anything happening between us loud and clear. He didn't want me any more than Jordan did.

I was starting to think no one wanted me.

Meep. He wanted me.

I hugged my cat just a little bit tighter.

I needed to rethink my life. I was miserable pretty much all the time nowadays. Going to lunch with Lany and Eddie seemed to be the highlight of my life, and how sad was that? Sure, I adored my best friends, but I wanted more than that in my life.

I needed to do some hard thinking about what I wanted, what I could have, and how to find a happy middle ground. There had to be one, right? People didn't go through life getting everything they wanted, but there had to be some reward for being a good guy.

I had to believe that or I'd slit my wrists.

I sighed as I stroked my fingers through Meep's black fur. What did I want in life? Clarke was at the top of my list, but that wasn't going to happen. Under him on that list was simply having someone at my side, someone glad to see me at the end of the day, someone who loved me unconditionally. Someone besides my cat.

I sat up straight as the preverbal light bulb went off over my head.

I wanted a family.

"Huh." I chuckled as the world's biggest epiphany sank into me. Hell, it damn near slapped me upside the face. I wanted a family and nothing said I couldn't have one. Granted, I'd need to make some major changes in my life, give up a few dreams, but I could have the family I wanted so damn much.

ADULT EXCERPT

"Kiss me, Victor."

Oh, he had to go and use my first name. No one used my first name. Ever. I was always Clarke or Sergeant or hey you. I was never just Victor.

I wanted to be just Victor.

So, I kissed Lyn.

Oh, his lips were as soft as I thought they'd be. Soft and plush and begging to be licked. I trailed my tongue along Lyn's lower lip before giving him a little bite. When Lyn gasped, I pushed inside, exploring, conquering, sending my arousal through the ceiling.

I wrapped my hands around Lyn's ass and lifted the man closer then turned and carried him down the hallway toward the back of the apartment. I'd been here once before, but only once. I had a general idea where the bedroom was located.

Got it on the first try.

I pushed the door open and carried Lyn inside, not stopping until I reached the bed. I dropped Lyn down on the mattress. Before he stopped bouncing, I was pulling his shirt off over his head. His jogging pants went next.

"Sweet hell," I whispered when I got my first good look at the bounty before me. Lyn was the stuff gay dreams were made of, at least my dreams.

Lightly tanned skin from top to bottom with a smattering of auburn hair over his abdomen. Twin brown hued nipples graced his svelte chest. There was a good amount of definition to his muscles, telling me Lyn kept in good shape, but not overly so. He wasn't hugely muscular like I was, which made sense. I went out into the field. I needed to be in great shape.

I slid my jacket off my shoulders and dropped it on the floor then reached for the hem of my shirt. There was no mistaking the fire that flared to life in Lyn's eyes as he watched me pull my shirt off over my head.

I dropped it to the floor then toed off my boots and reached for the buttons on my jeans. I didn't do zippers. There was no way I was going to accidently zip up my junk. I was a button-fly guy all the way.

Once I was naked, I climbed onto the bed. I grabbed Lyn's ankle and pulled him partway down the mattress then settled myself between his legs. The gasp that left my mouth when our naked bodies finally pressed together was met by one from Lyn.

I had no business doing what I was doing, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. I'd wanted Lyn Philips almost from the very moment I'd met him, back when he was simply an annoying beat cop who was constantly underfoot. The man he'd grown into over the years had held my interest just as long.

I leaned in and captured Lyn's lips again. I gloried in the feel of them pressed against mine. How plush they were, how they parted to let me in.

Lyn clearly wanted this as much as I did. His hands clutched at my shoulders, pulling me closer. If I got any closer, I'd be inside of him, which was exactly where I planned to be.

I tore my lips away. "Do you have supplies?" For a brief moment, I marveled that I did not, and then I realized it had been ages since I'd even carried a condom around. It had been even longer since I'd needed one.

And then I realized it didn't matter when Lyn pointed to his nightstand.

I stretched out until I could open the drawer then searched around inside until I found what I was looking for. Something settled inside of me when I realized I had grabbed an unopened box of condoms.

I wasn't about to bring up Lyn's boyfriend, but if I was so inclined, I'd ask why the two of them weren't sleeping together. If Lyn was mine, the man would barely be able to take a step without me being all over him.

He wasn't mine.

Maybe he was, but just for tonight.

I tore off one of the condoms and tossed it down on the bed. I kept the lube gripped in my hand. I had plans for both, but I'd need one before the other. But first, I needed to taste just about every inch of Lyn's luscious body.

I started with his mouth. Kissing Lyn was a luxury, but I needed it more than I needed my next breath. I nibbled at his lips until he opened his mouth then swept inside to stroke my tongue over Lyn's, licking him, tasting him.

Dominating him.

A growl rumbled through my chest as I licked lower, sucking up a mark on Lyn's throat. Lyn tilted his head back, giving me his submission. It was a heady feeling and made my cock harder than steel.

I'd always been a dominant man, which was one of the reasons I'd been so resistant to giving into my desire for Lyn. He was young and innocent. I was hardened and dominant. I was afraid I'd consume him if given the chance. Lyn was giving me that chance and I was helpless to resist him.

I didn't want to resist him.

I found a nipple with my mouth and swirled my tongue around it before sucking the little nub into my mouth. Lyn hissed and fisted his hands in my hair and pulled me closer.

This was such a colossally bad idea.

I didn't care.

I paid homage to Lyn's nipple with my lips and tongue and teeth before moving to its twin and doing the same. By the time I was done, they were stiff little peaks, red and no doubt tender.

Perfect.

I licked and kissed and nibbled my way down Lyn's chest until I reached the hard leaking cock sticking up from his groin. And it was a very beautiful cock. Not too thick, not too long. Just big enough to give me hours of pleasure.

And I could so seriously spend hours mapping out every inch of Lyn's body. He was so gorgeous, he made my teeth ache. In the years that I'd known him, he'd grown from a young, inexperienced beat cop into the sexiest damn thing I'd ever seen.

I wasn't one to give blow jobs very often, but Lyn's cock begged to be licked. I wrapped my fingers around the base of Lyn's cock then swiped at the drops of pre-cum pooling on the tip with my tongue. Not too bad, tangy but not overly so.

Lyn cried out when I sucked the mushroom shaped head into my mouth. His hands tightened in my hair, his hips jerking.

It was a good response.

It made me feel like a king.