Before I realize it, again, I’m being led astray inside Bar's castle, weaving through three rooms: a music room with a grand piano, an entertainment room with a floor-to-ceiling screen to watch movies on, and a bar area where most of the bed and breakfast’s liquor is stored. Inside a short hallway on the first floor, somewhere near the music room and the conservatory, between the sitting room and foyer, closer to the ballroom than the kitchen, we come to a wall decorated in peacock-covered wallpaper and two sconces with flickering faux candles. He stands directly between the two sconces. “Very few people know about this, Joey. But you’re kind of special to me and I want to share it with you.” He reaches above his head to one of the turquoise-gold peacocks displayed. Bar places two fingertips against the navy-green circle of color at the end of the feather, and presses the wall. What occurs is something out of a Scooby-Doo cartoon. The narrow door between the sconces opens and a secret, dimly-lit hallway appears.

“What is this?” I ask, surprised.

He chuckles. “The castle has many secret passages. Its walls have walls. Some of the guests find the passageways. Most don’t. I thought I would give you a treat and show you one.”

I am amazed, staring into the mouth and throat of a narrow hallway designed by wooden beams that zigzag overhead. The passageway turns a pitch-black hue in the distance. “Very interesting,” I say, seeing cobwebs and smelling an earthy and detesting aroma. A cold sweeps over me, clinging and biting at my bare skin.

“Follow me, Joey.” He turns his cell phone on flashlight mode and we enter the silver-white illuminated darkness. “Be careful of the beams. You don’t want to conk your head off one.”

“Thanks for the warning.” The cold eats at me, sweeping around my body, gnawing at my skin. The noise is a hollow echo of disgruntled moans.

Bar pushes cobwebs out the way, one after the next. Their eight-legged owners scurry to and fro, temporarily invaded and disturbed. There are so many I can’t count. Whips of long, silken threads wave in the wind, blowing like flags.

I hear noises inside the wall as we come to a set of steps that climb upwards. Strong mumbling. Chatter by Lady Vampe and Colonel McCarmichael is heard. Slowly we climb the darkened stairs. The boards creak and moan under our weight, upset and groggy from maybe too much sleep. Light whispers blow through the cavern-like hallways, apparent ghosts sweeping from one interior passageway to the next.

Once at the top of the incline the hallway stops. A T formation gives access to the right and left. I follow Bar to the left. The area becomes much smaller, though, half the size of the previous hallway. We hunch over and continue walking. The silver-white light leads us astray through the castle’s veins. I hear laughter, a growl, a soothing hum, and other sounds, keeping the castle alive. We walk ten, twenty, almost fifty feet straight ahead. Many similar passageways connect to this main seam, veering left and right, leading to various areas of the castle.

Bar stops, holding out his left arm and hand behind him, informing me not to bump into him. Something devious inside the folds of my mind tells me that he does want me to accomplish such a task, purposely, with my clothes my off.

He turns on his heels, still hunched, and faces the left wall. At eye-level the flashlight’s beam illuminates a thumb-size knob on the wall. He reaches for the knob, turns off the flashlight, and apparently works the knob open with a thumb and finger since a beam of light -- no larger than the width of a lipstick tube -- creates a laser-like beam of white light through the darkness, hitting and reflecting off the opposite beams of lumber.

Bar leans into me, placing his free hand around my waist, squeezing me against him, and whispers, “Look through the hole.”

I listen, moving my face forward. My right eye connects with the hole’s opening and ... I see a bedroom that looks similar to my own except it is square inside instead of being round like my tower room. There’s a desk, reading chair, a mirror, and a queen-size bed. Upon the bed are two nicely built and naked men. The men are making love and I study their tight looking bodies: taught bottoms, pulsing erections, beefy arms entwined, many abs, and hairy chests colliding and falling apart. At first I’m not sure exactly who the two men are, but finally realize their identity: my sidekick Kel and his number one adult movie performer, Magnum Ride. The pair groan, laugh, bite, and kiss, busy on the bed.

Truth is, it’s not the first time I have watched either man have sex, just not with each other. Both are beautiful, languid and rich regarding their movements, and pulsing. They suckle, pinch, lick, and moan, filling the not-so-private room with their sounds of heated sex. Their motions on the sky blue sheet become heated and wild. I hear a slap and Magnum calling Kel a vulgar name. And Kel responds, filling the bedroom with his laughter, obviously enjoying the rough play. Into my right ear, Bar whispers, “We’ll leave them play.” He closes the peephole and we continue our travels forward, through the darkness, and travel deeper through the castle’s interior walls.