STORY EXCERPT

I stood off to the side, basically hiding from my mate and my brothers, as I watched everyone having a blast at the Mariuses’ Christmas Ball. It was the only way to be there and not grab my head from the images that assaulted me when people got too close. Something was wrong with me and I’d known that for a while, but I was too scared to admit it or confess what was going on with me to Ayden.

He’d come into his powers as a Kappa just fine. I, on the other hand, was in hell. And it had gotten so much worse the past couple of months.

“Would you like to dance, Caven?” a deep voice asked me. It was a voice I knew well, and I shivered at the deep timbre of it, wanting all the unspoken promises that were in his tone.

“No thank you,” I answered quickly as I went to step away from Gabriel.

“You can’t stay mad at me forever,” he whispered as he pulled me into his arms, swaying his hips to the music. “I thought we were doing better after you gave me the best Christmas present ever.”

“I’m not mad.” It was a lie. I was furious but not really with Gabriel. It was what I kept seeing of his past that filled me with rage, always festering in the pit of my stomach. I tried to pull away before it started… But he was strong and then it was too late.

“You’re a wonderful dancer, Gabriel,” a blonde woman whispered as Gabriel’s hand slid over the back of her dress and to her ass. “What else can you do with those hips?”

“I think we should go up to your room and find out,” my mate practically purred.

Then another memory flashed in my head. This time he was with some busty redhead and they were dancing naked after sex. After that I was assaulted with images and every recollection he had dancing with anyone, and the amount of men my dear mate had danced with was staggering.

“Caven, stop ignoring me,” Gabriel growled as I snapped back to the present. “Why do you do that?” He was shaking me, his annoyance clear in his tone. I was facing him now and I wished I hadn’t seen the anger in his eyes directed at me.

“Stop,” I gasped as my stomach flip-flopped as it always did when I got thrown into a memory loop. “I’m going to puke.”

He let go of me instantly and I raced away from him. I wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom, so instead I booked it out of the balcony doors. I heard Gabriel yell after me as I launched myself over the railing and landed on the ground easily. Everyone didn’t need to see me get sick and I was glad that I made it to the bushes in time. Because nothing really would be worse than leaving proof of my getting sick all over the lawn.

“It’s okay, Caven,” Riley said gently as he rubbed my back. I’d been so distracted with puking out my guts, I didn’t even register I wasn’t alone.

“Make Gabriel leave,” I begged as tears burned in my eyes. I heard some whispering as I kept dry heaving and then my mate growling.

“I didn’t do anything wrong! He’s hurt and I’m not leaving him. I didn’t cause this. Something’s wrong with him!”

I knew he meant that I was sick or had eaten something bad. But the way he phrased it hurt because he was right and just didn’t know it.

And then I got angry. So angry because in my heart I knew a mate who truly cared for me wouldn’t have been able to ignore the signs that I was having issues… Considering we shared a suite. Gabriel just thought I zoned out and ignored him, storming off on his righteous high horse ranting that this was why we couldn’t be together because I still acted like a child.

“Two hundred and eighteen,” I said as I plopped down on my butt and pulled my knees to my chest.

“What?” Riley asked as he stared at me curiously.

“That’s how many times Gabriel’s asked someone to dance before tonight when he asked me.”

“How could you possibly know that?” Gabriel whispered as his eyes went wide, staring at me like I was a freak. “I don’t even know the number of people I’ve danced with.”

“I saw it all when you touched me and started dancing. I got the highlighted montage of everyone you’ve ever danced with,” I admitted. Riley and Gabriel stared at me as if I’d just admitted to popping the Hope Diamond out of my ass… And then I saw it wasn’t just them. Micah and Elena were there too, probably having seen me run away from my mate.

I couldn’t take the way they were looking at me. This was why I hadn’t told anyone what was going on since I made the mistake of admitting it to Alpha Paul when he got me drunk before raping me. I was a freak and now everyone knew it.

Getting to my feet as quickly as I could on shaky legs, I jumped right back up on the balcony, hoping no one else could do that. I tried to slip out of the ballroom and to my room so no one noticed… It didn’t work.

ADULT EXCERPT

“Did you get it?” I asked as I slipped back outside.

“Yes,” he whispered in awe. “It looks just like my wolf.”

“It is your wolf. I took a picture with my phone weeks ago and asked Vic to tattoo you over my heart because that’s where you are, Caven. You’re always in my heart and I wanted your Christmas present to be your wolf where everyone could see it and know how important you are to me.

“I’m sorry you’ve seen everyone I’ve ever slept with but they weren’t you, my mate. I’ve never gotten a tat of anyone else or given them my heart as I have you. I should have told you that, found a way to show you that before we got to this point, but I can only tell you it’s truly how I feel now.”

He was quiet a few moments and I swear I held my breath and prayed to fate that we could fix this. “Okay, we can try again after my training,” he said softly. “I can’t promise it will be easy for me to move on from your memories but I believe you. I just don’t know how to make the images stop.”

“We can replace them with new ones,” I promised. “Maybe you can use your powers to see all the dreams I’ve had that star you. I’ve never dreamed about someone the way I do you, baby. I need you. It’s been killing me to keep you at arm’s length. I know you’re upset I’ve been denying us a physical relationship when we could have had one but it wasn’t easy for me either. It hurts when I go to sleep at night and you’re not in my arms.”

“You haven’t mentioned sex,” he mumbled. “Only holding me or being close to me, spending time with me.”

“Because you’re more than some hottie to me that I want to fuck all night long.”

“More than? Meaning you want to do that too?” Caven asked and I could hear the hope in his voice.

“Baby, the fantasies I’ve had about you would shock you,” I purred as I held the phone tightly. “I didn’t want you to think that this was all about attraction to my mate and what my cock wants. But if you need to hear that I desire you I’ll tell you all of my fantasies.”

“How about maybe the one you like best?” he suggested, clearing his throat.

“Let me get back to my room so I can touch myself while I tell you,” I offered, taking a chance.

“I turn you on to where you want to jack off on the phone with me?”

I couldn’t help it… I burst out laughing as I headed back inside. I kept going, laughing until my sides hurt. It wasn’t until I was back in my suite that I calmed back down. “Caven, I’ve been masturbating like crazy since we met. I swear I take extra showers so you won’t smell how dirty of a bastard I am. I see you and I need a cold shower to keep from jumping you. I smell you and all I can think about is how to permanently attach you to me and mostly my cock.”

“Are you hard now thinking about it?” my little imp of a mate purred.

“So hard,” I groaned. I rubbed my groin with the heel of my hand and moaned. This wasn’t anywhere as good as what I’d do to him if he was in the room with me but it was a start. Then I had an idea. Two could play at this game. “You want to see it? I could send you another picture.”

“Yes please,” he squeaked. I felt a feral smile cross my lips as I quickly undid my pants and pulled out my cock, giving it a few good tugs to make sure it was hard and leaking for my mate. Then I snapped a few pictures and sent them to him.

“That’s just for you, Caven,” I told him when I heard him gasp, guessing he got the pictures. “It’s all been for you since I met you. I’ve not even thought about anyone else from my past. Always it’s you.”

“Like what do you think about?”

“Mostly right after you shift back into a man,” I answered honestly. “You’re all smiles and happy and it’s almost infectious. I think about laying you down on the grass and licking every inch of your sexy body while you growl at how much I’m turning you on.”

“Then what?” he panted and I felt my grin go even wider.

“Are you touching yourself, my sexy little mate?”

“Yes,” he gasped. “I’m fingering my hole wishing you were doing it as I stroke my cock.”

I just about swallowed my tongue. What a tease! “Well, I’d lick that hole as I fingered it, maybe sink my fangs into your pert little ass until you begged for more.”

“Would you pin me down and fuck me all night?”

“If that’s what you begged for,” I answered, making a mental note that my mate would want that. “I’d rotate between hard and fast and then slowly to keep you just on the edge of your orgasm.”

“Like I saw you do with that little blond guy,” he whispered sadly. Oh shit.